Even the most money-conscious parents who spend years teaching their children how to budget, save and avoid debt have to accept that grown kids will make their own decisions — and mistakes.
That becomes especially complicated when those lessons involve love and money.
Imagine Jane, a 58-year-old mother, watching her 27-year-old daughter, Krysta, unravel financially after a breakup. Jane had always considered Krysta responsible. She graduated from college, landed a stable job and always paid her bills on time.
Then Krysta met Tyler. Jane thought he was a bit immature, but harmless. It wasn’t until later she learned Tyler was terrible with money, and Krysta enabled his behavior. She added Tyler as an authorized user on her credit card because it had a lower interest rate than his. She cosigned on a car loan he couldn’t get on his own. They rented a luxury apartment they qualified for largely because of Krysta’s stronger credit score and income.
When the relationship ended, so did Tyler’s willingness to pay. The car payments fell behind. The credit card debt he added wasn’t getting paid off. They broke their lease, but he bailed on his half of the final month of rent. And because much of the finances were tied to both of their names, the damage has followed Krysta. Her credit score plunged. Jane wants to help, but what can she do in this type of situation?
Blending finances isn’t just about splitting rent or sharing a streaming account — it can mean sharing liability. In Krysta’s case, she had far more to lose.
When someone allows a partner to use their credit card, cosigns a loan or qualifies for housing based on their stronger credit score, they are putting their own financial reputation on the line. Lenders don’t care who swiped the card or drove the car. They care whose name is on the contract.
That underlines a hard truth: adults are responsible for their own credit. Even if Krysta felt pressured or wanted to “help” Tyler, she agreed of her own will to sign the paperwork.
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For parents like Jane, the instinct may be to jump in and fix everything. But think about how vulnerable she must be feeling. On top of mending a broken heart, Krysta might be dealing with embarrassment and shame.
Instead of offering unsolicited advice, Jane might say: “If this were me, I’d want to look at every account and make a plan.” Framing it as perspective rather than criticism can keep the conversation open.
Here are some steps Krysta can take to help get herself back on track.
Close any joint accounts, cut off added users: If Krysta shares any accounts with Tyler, she should close them. This can get tricky if there are any outstanding balances. Hopefully both parties can come to an agreement. She also needs to remove him as an authorized user on her credit card, and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau suggests a person in this situation may want to request a new card with a new number as well (1).
Negotiate responsibility for shared loans: The cosigned car loan might be difficult to navigate, since Krysta is equally as responsible for the debt as Tyler. Paused payments on the car will continue to affect her credit score. Once again, hopefully they can come to an agreement.
Change passwords to any shared services: Whether it’s an Amazon account or bank account, if Krysta shared her login credentials with Tyler, it’s a good idea to change them. Many of these accounts contain sensitive information she may no longer want him to access.
Build a modest emergency fund: The point of an emergency fund is to prevent you from falling (further) into debt. Even a $1,000 early on can help keep you out of trouble. Eventually, you may want to save three-to-six months’ worth of expenses.
Game plan how to tackle any debt: Two popular methods for taking on debt include focusing on the highest-interest debt first (the avalanche method) or the smallest balances first (the snowball method). Both have their merits, and may depend on which motivates Krysta more.
Consider professional help: A nonprofit credit counseling agency can help create a structured repayment plan. In more severe cases, bankruptcy might be an option, though it should be considered carefully and typically as a last resort.
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Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (1)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
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